


Is It Later Yet?

by quwarichi



Series: TheirLoveWasReal, MOTHERFUCKERS [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:27:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29580936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quwarichi/pseuds/quwarichi
Summary: Castiel would do anything for Dean Winchester, even if it meant breaking his heart.Part of #TheirLoveWasReal Day 7: Tristful
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: TheirLoveWasReal, MOTHERFUCKERS [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2160264
Comments: 1
Kudos: 29
Collections: Their Love Was Real: a Destiel & Saileen Fanworks Challenge





	Is It Later Yet?

**Author's Note:**

> Here's another self prompt instead of what I was supposed to write. The original prompt was The Sea and I planned on writing about Dean driving down the coast and every day seeing the same man in a trenchcoat standing at the shore staring at the horizon and go from there. But then I reread an angst fic that always makes me cry, listened to my angst playlist, and created this, so here.
> 
> **Tristful (adj.) - deeply yet romantically melancholy**
> 
> [My beta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GatorGirl2016/pseuds/GatorGirl2016) helped out a lot, and apparently, this one is her favorite so far out of all the fics I wrote for this challenge!

Castiel could kiss Dean a thousand more times and still have his breath taken away. He can squeeze Dean’s hand, and his heart rate will quicken when Dean squeezes back. He gets excited over the most mundane things done together: grocery shopping, washing the dishes, or hanging the laundry. As long as Castiel can be with Dean, he will be happy.

Castiel has been in love with Dean Winchester since their first year of college. They were roommates, and at first, Castiel couldn’t stand him. Dean was a loud, obnoxious, sexist man that drank too much and flirted with every woman and man in the vicinity. Then he overheard Dean call home to his brother and learned that Dean was a soft-hearted and kind brother beneath the tough front he projected. It didn’t excuse his faults, but it made it easier to understand him. 

The more Castiel learned about Dean, the more amazed he was. Dean took it upon himself to cook them both dinner. He reminded Castiel to take breaks from studying and introduced him to movies. He took child-like delight in things like burgers and pie and coaxed Castiel out of his shell, always insisting on dragging him to parties. Dean was the one who made sure Castiel had enough water next to his bed during his first hangover, all while smiling at him and laughing at his deadpan self. Unlike Dean, no one else ever laughed  _ with  _ Castiel but  _ at  _ him.

So it was only natural for Castiel to fall for his roommate and fall hard. It was all-consuming, a fire lit behind his ribs that never died. He loved his best friend with a passion, and he was okay with never speaking of it, content to merely stay in Dean’s sphere and breathe the same air as he did.

Then, Dean got drunk and told Castiel that he loved him, and Castiel’s once-colorless world erupted in an explosion of hues. He was delighted, and the knowledge he made Dean happy was enough to make him drunk with the feeling of it all.

Even if loving Dean was easy as breathing for Castiel, being loved by Dean was a burden on the other man. Sweet, kind, and  _ loving  _ Dean, drowning under the extent of his traumas and anxieties. Although Dean was left to shoulder the task of raising his little brother because of an absentee father, he prevailed but could only do so for so long. He never truly allowed himself to be happy, and when Castiel came into the picture and attempted to convince Dean to be happy, Dean struggled. 

Dean did his best, tried not to let his problems tear them apart, but Castiel’s heart couldn’t take it. He saw the man he loved crumble from the pressure put on him by his family and by college, working hard to send his brother money and studying into the night the day before an exam. It was killing him. It was killing them both. 

So Castiel made a decision. Even though every cell in his body protested against it, even though he’d prefer to do anything else, he sat Dean down and told him they needed to break up. He watched as Dean’s face drained of color, watched his expression morph from disbelief to shock to out-right rage, and eventually watched his beautiful features accept defeat. He ignored each and every plea from Dean to stay, swallowed down the tears at Dean’s misty eyes because he didn’t get to cry. He was breaking both their hearts, but it was his choice to do so, so he had to endure the pain.

Castiel moved out the next day. At first, Dean begged him to change his mind, but he stood his ground. Dean wasn’t faring well in their relationship, and Castiel would not continue hurting the man he cared for because he was being selfish. Dean slowly gave up, and aside from a few drunken phone calls, Castiel quit hearing from him. 

After their breakup, Castiel would see Dean around campus with friends and sometimes potential hookups. He accepted it and swallowed back his tears, even though it ripped at his insides. Castiel never stopped and stared, just continued walking, treasuring the memories of when Dean was his. A few months later, they both graduated college . 

Dean’s family was there; his surrogate uncle and aunt, Bobby and Ellen, and Ellen’s daughter, Jo. Dean’s little brother, Sam, was there, and he looked so proud, Castiel’s heart swelled. Dean would be okay, even if Castiel weren’t part of the picture.

Castiel’s family didn’t make it to his graduation. He had known they wouldn’t show up and had decided to go back to his dorm and pack. Resigned, he glares at his diploma—what a useless piece of paper.

“Hold up a second, Sammy. Cas!” That voice pierces through Castiel like a lightning bolt, and he gasps. He turns to see Dean jogging up to him, the late afternoon sun making the tips of his hair shine gold and his skin glow. He looks incredible, and Castiel is mesmerized.

“Cas,” Dean pants slightly, green eyes filled with warmth and caution. “Hi.”

“Hello, Dean.” Castiel lets himself smile at Dean and watches the man’s shoulders relax. “Congratulations on graduating.”

“Hey, you too. You were always the smart one,” Dean says, gesturing at Castiel’s clutched diploma. Castiel raises an eyebrow at him.

“You’re incredibly smart, Dean,” Castiel assures him. “The proof to that is by you graduating today.”

“Hm,” Dean says, making a non-committal sound at the back of his throat. “So, uh, where’s your family?”

“Didn’t make it. They were busy.” Castiel shrugs nonchalantly. He’s not upset that his family didn’t show up; his mother and siblings had sent their regards earlier that week. 

Dean looks outrageous at the news. “They what? Oh, come on. It’s your graduation! You gotta have family at these kinds of events!”

Castiel attempts a smile, although judging by Dean’s demeanor, it didn’t help calm the man. “I’m not upset.” He shrugs. “I’ve had a great time.”

“Did you, now?” Dean seems skeptical.

“Of course I did,” Castiel says softly, managing a real smile. “I got to talk to you.”

Dean swallows hard, a small frown on his face. “You… Cas.” 

“You should go back to your family, Dean.” Castiel moves to go, but Dean grabs his wrist and holds him in place. 

“Wait, Cas.” Dean’s grip tightens, and his voice is pleading. “You were right.”

Castiel blinks. “I… what?”

“About me drowning, all of what you said. You were right.” Dean’s hand slides down Castiel’s wrist to take his palm, intertwining their fingers. “I wasn’t okay. I was in Hell, and you saved me from there. So, thank you.”

Castiel’s smile widens. “Dean.”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Dean’s face reddens, and his mouth falls open as he stares. “You - what?”

“I love you, and you’re happy.” Castiel slowly pulls his fingers away from Dean’s warmth. “So, for now at least, I think this should be all.”

“ _ Cas _ .”

“For now,” Castiel emphasizes. “I am not perfect, Dean, and I need to understand myself. You weren’t the only one who didn’t believe he was allowed to be happy.” Dean’s jaw is clenched, so Castiel reaches forward to cup it in his hand. “I love you, Dean, and that isn’t going to change. So, if one day we meet again and you don’t hate me, I’d love to speak to you… and maybe more.”

“I could never hate you, Cas,” Dean says softly. Castiel runs his thumb along Dean’s light stubble, amazed someone so brilliant exists.

“Then I will see you soon.” Castiel retracts his hand and tilts his head, taking in the sight of Dean for what could be his last chance in a long time. “Goodbye, Dean.”

As he walks away, he almost misses Dean’s soft, “See ya, Cas.”

* * *

Castiel pauses, watching a couple across the street, and he is reminded of Dean. It’s nothing out of the ordinary, though; Castiel thinks and dreams of Dean almost constantly. Every night, he sees Dean in his dreams, and every morning when he wakes up, he longs to go back to sleep, just to catch another glimpse of the man. 

Castiel is broken from his staring when an engine roars from down the street. He turns his head, searching for a familiar black car, but disappointment washes through him when he doesn’t spot it. Castiel focuses back on the couple, a heavy sigh escaping him. He is envious of the couple, jealous that they get to do mundane things together. Castiel has nobody to share his life with anymore. Grocery shopping, washing the dishes, hanging the laundry, all of it is done on his own. He would be so much happier to do such tasks if only he had Dean by his side.

But he doesn’t, so he continues walking.

Castiel fell in love with Dean Winchester eight years ago, during the first year of college. He’s now 26, a working man with suits and dress shoes that goes to his job between nine to five and then goes home alone. And he makes do with it.

Today, after work, Castiel decided that he deserved a special cup of coffee for a job well done. The project he had been in charge of for the past few months had been pitched to a client, and they loved it, allowing Castiel to close a big deal for his office. He headed to the local coffee shop, waited in line, ordered his drink, received his coffee, and turned around to bump into none other than Dean Winchester.

“Woah there, buddy.” Dean’s hands shoot out to grab Castiel’s shoulders before Castiel realizes what’s happening. 

Castiel blinks owlishly at the man, and yes, this is, without a doubt, Dean Winchester. Castiel could never forget the eyes that star in his dreams every night. He stares at Dean, his mouth hanging open, unable to say a word. 

Dean’s filled out, no more a young adult, but a full-grown man with stubble and broad shoulders. He’s wearing a flannel jacket over a T-shirt and dark jeans that do wonders for his figure. His hair looks soft to the touch, and his lips are pinker than Castiel remembered.

“You okay there- Cas?” Dean is staring at him, and Castiel is clutching his coffee cup so hard he’s surprised it doesn’t bust. 

He’s here. Dean’s here.

“Hello, Dean.” Castiel smiles at him, taking in the man he has never stopped loving. 

“Heya, Cas,” Dean says, regaining his voice and smiling at him. “Is it finally later?”

Castiel could kiss Dean a thousand times and still have his breath taken away. He could squeeze Dean’s hand and have his heart rate quicken when Dean squeezes back. He could do all of those things and more, but for now, he’d rather talk.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm gonna post the final fic in a bit since I've been traveling yesterday and only now got a chance to use my laptop.


End file.
